and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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