i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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