peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
