i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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