I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
last night I used snow as a chaser
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