Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
