Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
