ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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