I accidentally burped into my bong.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
