It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
