Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
