guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
