Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
