So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
