just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
