I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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