Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
