just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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