I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
