i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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