So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
