thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
