I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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