Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
