I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
