Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
