She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
