so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
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never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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