it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There are leaves in my underwear?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
