yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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