Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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