Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
