Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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