it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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