its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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