He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
