Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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