I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
