so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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