and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
