Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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