what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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