Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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