forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize