Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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