I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
