I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
