Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
