i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
