She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
