I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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