Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
