I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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