Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
