Fuck appropriateness.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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