We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
