I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
