I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
