Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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