go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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