Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
