You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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