so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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