Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
