i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
