My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
