he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
