Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
