Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
