I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
