I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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