I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
