There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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