He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
