With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
