Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
