tell your sister to shave her snatch
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We got so high we made milksteak
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
