why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
